Turning off your Inner Critic

“Why would I do that?”

“What is wrong with me?”

“I can’t believe I said that.”

Have you ever said these things to yourself? Or maybe you find yourself saying, “I am my own worst enemy.” We can thank our inner critic for such thoughts, which is always with us, ready and willing to point to our faults and dish out disapproval.

We all have that inner voice that never seems to quiet down, although, for some, the voice is more ruthless. PsychCentral describes the inner critic as “the voice that expresses criticism, frustration or disapproval about our actions.” The problem is our inner critic’s impact doesn’t end at the original thought. We can hold these thoughts and frustrations with us long after, and they can cast a shadow over our day and possibly even days ahead. We can be left with shame and anxiety, defeated by our own words. 

While it is true we all have an inner critic, that doesn’t mean we have to allow it to go unleashed and untamed, wreaking havoc on our psychological health. With time and attention, we can fine-tune our inner critic to serve us better.

Here are three simple steps to reign in your inner critic. 

The first step is simply drawing awareness around the messages your inner critic is sending. Pay attention to the words and phrases used when speaking to yourself. You may quickly pick up themes or repeated statements that you use to admonish yourself. Don’t hold judgment here; the idea is to begin to take notice. Identify when or where your voice is particularly harsh so you can be empowered to make the adjustments you desire.

The second step is to question those messages and then reframe them. PsychologyToday explains reframing simply as “changing how you see something and then expressing it differently.” For example, look at the earlier phrase, “I can’t believe I said that.” You recognize the disapproval in your choice of words. You don’t have to completely deny that what you said was unfortunate if it was. However, you can reframe your thoughts to give yourself grace by saying, “That may not have been the best way to express myself. Next time I will do better.”

The third step is to practice self-compassion. This is a muscle many of us could benefit from strengthening. We could all use the occasional reminder that we are doing our best. Self-compassion will counter the negative, critical thoughts with reminders that you are good, that it is okay to make a mistake, and ground you in the truth of what is reasonable. Self-compassion is the remedy for the inner critic. If you do nothing else, practice self-compassion, as it has the ability to momentarily turn off that ever-present inner critic. 

Maybe in the past, you would have described yourself as your own worst enemy, but now you have the tools to overcome the relentless, opinionated voice that once held you to grueling expectations. Just imagine how wonderful it will feel to redistribute the energy once used against yourself to embrace yourself.