Anger - Trauma’s Shadow
“I just feel so angry all the time…”
“Pretty much anything can set me off…”
“I have no idea why I reacted like that…”
Almost every client I have seen with a history of trauma has struggled with anger. For some, it was just something they felt inside but were careful not to let out. For others, it consumed them. But in each case, anger was always just around, like a shadow.
Shadows are interesting things. In essence, they show the absence of light; however, in reality, they show the presence of something else that may be out of sight. Shadows can be used to add suspense or fear into a situation, like in a horror movie when the protagonists see the shadow of a monster even though they don’t yet know exactly what they are facing. In that situation, the shadow looks extra terrifying because they don’t yet know what is causing it. In our emotions, anger can often be the shadow we see that shows there is something else, big and scary, just out of sight.
Individuals with a trauma history, particularly those struggling with PTSD, often struggle with hypervigilance. Hypervigilance is when someone is in a continual state of fight or flight, often due to trauma, meaning they are constantly surveying their surroundings, looking for threats or things that can cause them harm. Most people will feel some level of vigilance right after a life-or-death incident if they almost get hit by a car. Right afterward, they will look around, observing for any sources of danger, feeling like another car may come out at any moment. This feeling eventually goes away as they get to a more secure location, and their brain tells them, “We are no longer in danger.” Those with trauma histories can become locked into that state, meaning that hypervigilance is like feeling they are about to get hit by a car at any movement, even in the middle of a building.
Carrying around that stress level can make people feel irritable and, understandably, on edge. In that situation, if anything goes wrong, it can set them off and make them react much more severely than the instance calls for. So if their toddler breaks a glass, a friend is late for a coffee date, or a spouse is giving criticism, however loving, a person in hypervigilance may explode in anger because they are not only responding to the actual issue, a broken glass, missed appointment, or a critique, they are bringing all their trauma, stress, and fight or flight emotions into the reaction.
The biggest issue with this is for the toddler, the friend, or the spouse. For them, all they can see is anger. They don’t see the trauma history casting the terrifying shadow of anger over the relationship. All they see is someone they love having an explosive reaction to what seems like an innocuous infraction. This anger reaction can scar childhoods, damage friendships, and even drive partners away.
Just as every shadow does not mean a monster lurks around the corner, anger does not necessarily imply trauma is behind it. Everyone has bad days where they act out or get frustrated with small things. However, anger that is unspecified or comes out of nowhere would be worth reflecting on to see what the source of it may be. Perhaps it is an unresolved hurt in a relationship or just a bad day, but maybe there is a severe trauma that was never dealt with, one that they are ashamed to bring to light. Working with a professional counselor can help them navigate their anger, address the underlying issues, and process emotions in a way that brings healing, rather than hurt, to their relationships.
Addressing these things can be difficult and incredibly painful if you struggle with anger. It often seems easier to continue dealing with the shadows. But explosive anger could be the outward symptom of inward pain that needs to be resolved, pain that will continue hurting those around you until it is brought into the light and healed. While it is easier to hide when you are surrounded by shadow, it’s also harder to see the things in life worth celebrating unless you let in the light.
